In August 2018, I was awarded my black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu by my teacher-and husband– Burton Richardson. Noone was more surprised than me that day. It happened so much earlier than I had expected.
When the first burst of shock and excitement had subsided, two questions crowded out every other thought in my head.
“What does it mean to be a black belt” and “Now what?”
Let’s answer the questions, shall we?
My black belt is the outward acknowledgement of the acquisition of a specific body of knowledge and the ability to display a set of skills.
My black belt shows I’ve been at it a while.
I grappled before, during and after pregnancy.
I grappled before, during and after breastfeeding.
I grappled as a newlywed, a new mom and a homeschool teacher.
I grappled when I wanted to AND when I didn’t want to.
I grappled in my twenties, my thirties and my forties.
On my black belt, written with invisible ink, are these three words: I didn’t quit.
Now what?
Everyone answers that question differently.
As I tightened that belt around my waist, I felt a weight loaded upon my shoulders. Would I live up to the expectations that this piece of canvas the color of coal represents?
Did that black belt mean that I could never fail again?
Was I now invincible, indomitable, perfect?
Was I supposed to know all the moves, dominate every rolling session, especially with a lower belt?
Could I never ever be submitted again?
The pressure was real.
Watch any world class level tournament and you see that even the best of the best get submitted. A black belt, I realized, represents more than what you can or cannot do on the mat. It is about who you choose to be, how you choose to act on and off the mat so all that’s left to do is lay down the ego and train.
Today that’s what I did.
I wasn’t feeling great (thank you hormones) and I knew a workout would do me good.
Our long time student, Shaun, was already practicing with Burton. Shaun is a brown belt (today he earned his first stripe on that brown). He has skill and great control. He’s been my main training partner for a few years but I hadn’t rolled with him for months. I hadn’t rolled with him since I earned my black belt to be exact.
Oh sure, I had plenty of good reasons: I was busy getting ready to travel. I was busy traveling. I was busy recovering from the jet lag post travel. I was busy preparing my daughter’s new homeschool year (3rd grade). I was busy enjoying the holidays. I was also busy postponing the first time I’d roll as a black belt (with anyone besides my husband that is).
Today I truly earned that black belt (and I wasn’t even wearing it).
Did I submit Shaun? No.
Did he submit me? No but he came close and the bell saved me 🙂
Did he pass my guard? Yes.
Did I pass his? No but I came close 🙂
Did he mount me? Yes
Did I escape his mount? Yes
Did he get my back? Yes
Did I escape the back control? Yes.
If it had been a jiu jitsu tournament, he would have won that match.
But I feel like a winner today.
I won because I trained.
I won because I didn’t complain.
I won because I didn’t throw a fit when it wasn’t going my way.
I won because I didn’t quit when it was hard and I was huffy puffy tired.
I won because I felt so good after that workout, hormones regulated, mood uplifted.
I won because it’s not Shaun I needed to beat today, it was me.
Me and my big ego.
Me and my irrational fears.
Me and my insecurities.
I did that. Sarah’s higher self: 1- Sarah’s ego: Knocked out.
Way to go black belt! I’m proud of you.
Lol, love the scorecard at the end! Well said as always!