On turning 30 years old

Fear has such a strong hold on me nowadays. It’s inside me so deep and keeps me from living my life.
It hasn’t always been like that. Quite the opposite in fact.

I was so daring, I stormed out of my house at age 14 determined to go to the beach with my 19 year old boyfriend although my mother forbade me to. So daring, that I didn’t come home after the beach but went nightclubbing instead. So daring that I didn’t return until the next morning.  What a mess that was!

I spent my teenage years rebelling. I couldn’t handle my parents and they definitely couldn’t handle me! At 16, I left home. I spent a year on my own. I didn’t always know when my next meal would come nor if I’d have a roof over my head on any given night.

During my first year of college I worked as the weekend weather girl.  Pretty terrifying to step in front of that camera live EVERY SINGLE week but I did it EVERY SINGLE week and it did get easier, although never easy.

At 20, I went to Germany. A new place. A new job. I saw snow for the first time and that’s all I saw every day of the four months I stayed there. It was a miserable time, but not the end of the world and I made some great friends.
From Germany, I went to France. Lived on my savings. Shacked up with a boyfriend. That was daring… and stupid but I didn’t know any better back then.
Once I returned home, I was offered a job back at the TV station. The director made it clear that getting the job would require that I perform some extra-curricular activities -if you get my drift…. Oh I really wanted that job so I asked for a meeting. I was afraid, very afraid… Yet I looked him straight in the eyes, and told him to fire me right there and then because I wasn’t about to slut my way to the top. He pretended that his indecent proposal had just been to test my integrity, and gave me the job. I kept my clothes on…and kept my dignity. So daring! And so worth it.

Shortly thereafter, I met The One.  Eight months later, I dared quitting my dream job. I dared leaving my friends and family. I dared flying across the world to move to Los Angeles and marry this man I barely knew.
Was I scared back then? Terrified! I closed my eyes, and jumped with both feet.
It hasn’t all been roses and fairy tales but I’ve had a good life so far. It’s not that I didn’t feel fear before but I acted in spite of it. So why do I allow fear to hold me back now?
My husband says that, because I have more to lose now I’d rather not risk anything. If he’s right then I’m doing it all wrong.

I must remember that my current life is the result of daring acts. Fear doesn’t have to disappear, it must be conquered. In ten days, I’ll be thirty.
In ten years, I hope I will have dared more than I feared.

How did you feel when your turned 30? How do you hope it will be if you’re not there yet? Share in the comment section below.

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