I didn’t write last week. I woke up with a cold on Saturday and asked my husband to take our daughter to Capoeira. I usually write during her class. When they left, I did grab my keyboard, made it to the couch, and attempted to type a few sentences but it was clear my stuffy nose wouldn’t give my brain enough oxygen for creativity that morning. So I headed to my bedroom and slept for 4 hours instead.
I have produced at least one new essay every week since I started writing in March. Since I had a two-month cushion with the publication of my blog posts, missing a week wasn’t a big deal. It did however affect my momentum and when you slow down, it’s a lot easier to see the doubts and fears that are lurking at every corner of the road you’re on.
This morning I woke up with a sore throat. Is that a coincidence that I would feel sick two Saturdays in a row? I hiked for a few hours yesterday and swam in an ice cold waterfall pool which may be why I feel under the weather now. But still, a multitude of excuses were crowding my brains this morning. I really just wanted to skip the writing again today. I’m tired. I’m uninspired. The mean voice in my head is telling me: “You’re empty now. You’ve got nothing more to write about. This is the end of it for you. What were you thinking anyway?”
So my job today is to go on typing to prove that mean voice wrong. Last week was a pause, not a stop. I can regain my momentum. I will. I am right now.
After all I told my daughter that Life comes with a handy reset button. Time to press that button.
On your marks. Get set! Go!
Beginnings are generally exciting. Once I set a goal I am eager to start. I am hopeful. But when I am confronted with the hurdles…
do I find a way around them?
do I knock’em down?
or do I quit?
Well here’s the thing about me. I don’t quit. I get an A+ for never giving up.
Throughout my life, I’ve had to reset many times. I used to think that the falling down was the measure of my worth. I used to look at this as a weakness. I’d beat myself up. I’d feel discouraged. I’d lose hope. I’d berate myself for being…human! For not being perfect.
Well I’m still human and I’m definitely still not perfect. But I now realize that to keep on trying, to keep on standing back up, that is strength. It shows resilience. It shows perseverance. It shows courage. I have failed many times. I have stumbled a lot. I’ve done the wrong thing more often that I care to admit. But I am not a quitter and that is a good thing not to be.
When I set a goal now, I not only visualize the ideal scenario, I also plan for the inevitable obstacles.
I may have a goal to eat healthy and be trim, yet a life without chocolate sauce and whipped cream is not realistic for me. So I set Sundays as my day to indulge. Does that mean that I’ll never again have fudge on a Wednesday night? Unfortunately no. Because of hormones. Or stress. Or happiness. Because I am human. But does that mean I should eat chocolate every day?
I may have a goal to go to bed early every night, yet it won’t happen all the time. Because of Netflix. Because of awesome conversations with my hubby. Because of the moon cycles. But does that mean I should just stop trying?
There was a time in my life when I would have answered yes. I couldn’t get past the failing again and again and again. I couldn’t see the point of falling short. But now what I see is the trying again and again and again. I see the getting close, the getting closer even if I’m not on target.
The point I figured out is that I’ll never be perfect, but I am always getting better.
I don’t mind falling a thousand times as long as I stand back up one thousand one.
Next week’s essay is titled “Sick day? Fun day? Or both?”. Subscribe using the widget below and it will magically appear in your inbox when it is published. But if the magic doesn’t work, do check your junk folder 🙂